I really struggled last night. I awoke with panic, excessive sweating and the same old runaway fears about dying, etc. Then, I made things worse by self-loathing and thinking “Why Me?”. I hate having this disease and I wish it would just go away. However, at least for now, it looks like I’m stuck with it. It’s easy to sit here and write this but it’s hard when your feeling anxious and everyone else seems to be doing just fine. As I was in the midst of a pity party for myself last night I did two things: popped a Xanax and reminded myself that I need to accept that fact that I have social anxiety disorder. Worrying about having the disease only makes it worse. The Xanax comforted some but the acceptance I came to comforted even more.
We do have this disease. It’s just a fact…there’s no wishing it away. I think the sooner we accept it and try to manage it rather than fight it the better off we’ll be. The next attack I have I’m going to re-read this post myself and remind myself to be ok with the fact that I’m going to be anxious from time to time. It doesn’t make me a bad person, it just makes me a social anxiety sufferer. But, that’s not what defines me as a person any more than diabetes defines a diabetic. It’s just a part of the deal down here. We’ve all got maladies, dysfunctions and disorders. Let’s help each other accept it and get on with life the best we can with what we’ve got!